Emotional Abuse: The Silent Abuse and Failure of the Legal System

Emotional abuse is the silent abuse. It isn’t visible bruises, difficult to see so therefore it is difficult to prove in a legal court system. This leaves victims without a voice, reliving the trauma without result.

Emotional abuse can be a substantial circumstance without the results of someone with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). For example, an alcoholic that does not have NPD, might become disgruntled when he/she is intoxicated creating an emotionally abusive environment. While no form of emotional abuse is acceptable, I am going to focus on my core expertise in the dynamic of emotional abuse coinciding with NPD partnership, along with how the legal system continuously fails to protect the victims (most importantly, the children) in these situations.

Regarding the children of emotional abuse due to NPD, I have first hand witnessed the child(ren) being spoken to behind closed doors with a guardian enlightenment (hired lawyers to “advocate for the child”) and judge(s), both who often are uneducated in NPD and the signs of emotional abuse. Children do not know how to process and speak up against the other parent, also often fearing the other parent might “get in trouble,” feelings of guilt, shame, fear of the parent, amongst other complicated emotions for a child to process and understand. What a child knows is that THE parent IS their parent. Children will not want to be the cause of anything happening to a parent of theirs. The legal system then unknowingly puts the child(ren) into “the adult” role. It becomes the responsibility of the child(ren) to protect the emotionally abusive parent from the court system. This adds more toxicity, trauma, and another kind of emotional abuse to the child(ren).

Here is why the legal system should require educational classes on NPD and the traumas it causes:

NPD runs on a spectrum but is easy to detect and identify once you are aware of the red flags.
NPD persons are master manipulators twisting stories and plots for their favor.
The victims can be mistaken as the perpetrator due to triggers, C-PTSD, and the fight/flight response brought on by the person with NPD.
Children with an NPD parent(s) run off fear, trauma, people pleasing, guilt and can be cast as the adult role feeling they need to be the protector.
Children are not yet capable of processing the complexes of emotions stemming from emotional abuse or how to define it.
Victims of NPD’s emotional abuse will often fear calling the police or speaking out due to “it’s their word against mine” and the ignorance of the legal system.
The legal system would be able to detect NPD amongst their own peers in the system, able to better protect themselves and domestic violence victims under all forms of abuse.

A Therapist is a necessity for adult and children victims dealing with emotional abuse. A Therapist dealing in the expertise of trauma, understanding NPD, and C-PTSD is ideal. A therapist that is not trained in these areas could trouble in validating the victims, causing further emotional damage.

Often therapists find proving NPD difficult to the legal system, even when they recognize and diagnose the red flags. Since NPD runs on a spectrum and NPD persons often avoid therapy and diagnosis, it becomes difficult to provide the legal evidence the court is seeking in a case. In addition, a victim’s therapist can not testify to the assessment of the situation without consistent interaction with the NPD person. The likelihood of the NPD person attending therapy on a regular basis is usually slim to none. Most NPD that do attend therapy quit or switch therapists once they begin to be discovered.

With all the information given, should you still defend yourself and go up against your NPD emotional abuser in court?

The emotionally abusive NPD in your life will manipulate, trying to dominate their control over the victim to whatever will benefit in their favor financially and socially. Agreements of boundaries will also work their favor. What the NPD will negotiate will be based solely on what the NPD thinks is beneficial for them.

You will need factual evidence to hold up in court against the NPD. If you do not have this, the outcome will most like fall to 50/50 within the legal system.

Do find a lawyer that specialize in working with NPD
Do not hire a lawyer with red flags of NPD (fire the lawyer immediately if any signs of NPD show)

Do check the recording laws in your state for audio and video. This can be your only opportunity of evidence in court.
Do not instigate the NPD to create evidence. Gray rock if they have an episode.
Do over prepare with knowledge from trained individuals that offer advice through YouTube and other social media outlets.
Do not mention these resources in court nor tell the court the ex has NPD. You will only be reminded you are not a trained professional.
Do not become emotional on the stand. You will appear to be unhinged.
Do stick to the facts in court and practice staying regulated when forced to relive the trauma.
Do find a strong support system(s) through others dealing with NPD abuse.

You can follow up with more information on the journey Ally, a social worker in England, had started in trying to raise awareness of NPD and the concerns of the lack of knowledge in the legal systems.

If our legal systems aren’t required to be well educated on mental disorders and signs of emotional abuse how can they protect the victims?

It becomes an endless cycle and leads to further mental illness, C-PTSD, alcohol abuse, drug addiction, depression and suicide. To stop the cycles and raise awareness, victims of NPD need legal systems to have expertise in the area.

RESOURCES: (please remember if you are currently abusive relationship, anything the NPD finds can be used to manipulate you and create self doubt in yourself. There are many online resources, library apps and audios to keep your information hidden. Always protect yourself).