The Clover Nook

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One major cause for insomnia-like symptoms and lack of sleep is a dysregulated nervous system related to chronic stress, anxiety, or trauma. For some of us, sleep is something the body must feel safe to allow – though some don’t realize that safety and sleep are truly connected. When your nervous system is stuck in survival mode, rest becomes biologically out of reach, no matter how exhausted you feel.

To understand why a lack of safety is related to a well-rested night of sleep, let’s step back all the way to the caveman days, linked to modern times.

Long ago, before suburbs, cities, and alarm systems, it was essential for humans to avoid deep sleep when danger might be nearby. Whether the threat was a predator, harsh weather, or the need to search for food, the body stayed alert to protect itself. Stress wasn’t an inconvenience — it was the body’s survival strategy for detecting danger and staying safe.

And although our world has changed, our biology remains the same.

Today, the “dangers” appear differently – and though we don’t have to worry about being mauled by a wolf in our sleep, there have become other daily “wolves” – activating the sympathetic nervous system (fight, flight, or freeze) with things such as work deadlines, schedules, emotional and mental stressors, unresolved trauma (or new traumas) – all keeping the nervous system constantly stimulated. Things like these create difficulties for the mind and body to shut down for the day, leaving the results of sleepless nights with a mind and body that is vigilant, alert, and on guard. Even when you can fall asleep, you then might find yourself waking up at 2am and struggling to shut off your mind to return to sleep.

When your system is constantly activated by stress, intense emotions, and the familiar rush of stress hormones, the brain can get hooked on the heightened state they create. Over time, those chemicals — along with the thought loops that accompany them — condition your nervous system to stay alert. In this state, the body begins to interpret even neutral moments as potential threats, making it harder to quiet your mind, relax your body, and settle into consistent, restorative sleep.

Here are some common physical signs that your nervous system is disrupting your sleep:

• Feeling tired all day
• Alert at night, either before sleep or waking up between 2–4 am, alert, and having difficulty returning to sleep
• Racing thoughts or looping worries
• Shortness of breath
• Jaw clenching or jaw pain (usually associated with teeth grinding
• Muscle tension
• Startling easily
• Feeling anxious or unsafe, even when nothing should be wrong
• Noticing health problems (such as high blood pressure, immune weakness, eye dryness, and skin breakouts)
• Feeling the need to eat more and snack throughout the day

The good news is, unlike our ancestors, we now have an understanding of the way our brain and nervous systems coincide and are able to work with helpful techniques to control our mental wellbeing and help regulate the nervous system. We can teach the body to shift out of survival mode and into a state of safety, calm, and rest. By supporting the mind and body with gentle, grounding practices, we create the conditions where sleep becomes possible again.

Let’s think of sleep techniques like we are creating a bridge in our minds that leads from survival to safety for better sleep. These aren’t quick fixes – some work, new habits, and ongoing commitment to better quality of sleep is involved; however, these techniques are invitations to help your body remember what safety feels like when it comes time.

Here are some techniques to use before sleep or in the middle of the night:

• Meditation: Begin meditating daily – this can start at 3-5 minutes. If there are difficulties in shutting your brain off, try guided meditation. Lavendaire is one of my favorites, and she can be found on YouTube and Spotify. Incorporate meditation before sleep, if needed, with Dr. Joe Dispenza (YouTube and Spotify) or in the middle of the night if you wake and can’t return to sleep. I can’t stress the daily practice of meditation enough and incorporating it with sleep can impact your nervous system to calm and relax.
• Breath Work: Slow breathing leads the body to calm and relax. Breath work is incorporated into meditation; however, utilizing breathwork throughout your day when things become stressful, anxiety rises, or brain loops – breath work can immediately create calm in the body and regulate your system. Doing this before bed or in the middle of the night if you wake up tells the vagus nerve, “we’re safe now.” One of the most common breath work cues is: Inhale 4, hold 2, breathe out 6. You can watch me demonstrate this on YouTube.
• Ground your senses: When you notice spiraling thoughts, you can also use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique — Notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 things smell, and 1 thing you can taste (even if it’s the saliva in your own mouth). This technique interrupts spiraling thoughts – though it could require an additional technique to avoid returning.
• Release stored tension — Daily use of gentle stretching, shaking, or progressive muscle relaxation to help the body let go. A hot bath before bed with essential night time oils can help as well. Light a candle for calmness and allow yourself to be in the darkness for at least 20 minutes before drying off and heading to bed.
• Create a safety cue – A nightly ritual can help cue the body for bedtime and set your brain to ready for sleep mode. A moment of gratitude, prayer, or journaling can send a signal to your brain that the day is done. These things can release any stress or negativity that happened through the day with putting your thoughts down, giving what is not in your control to a higher power, or focusing on the feelings of gratitude in your life (which reduces stress activation).
• Limit stimulation before bed — Scrolling through TikTok, watching YouTube, gaming, or falling asleep with the tv on is not an act of kindness to your nervous system. While it can be a decent coping mechanism to create sleepiness, it’s likely you will wake in the middle of the night due to the brain staying alert, have poor quality sleep due to keeping the nervous system activated and out of deep sleep mode, and can dysregulate melatonin in the brain, creating ongoing interrupted sleep patterns. Try replacing these patterns with soothing music. (For example: I tell my Alexa to shut off after two hours of playing Delta Brain Waves Music – delta brain waves are the waves associated with deep sleep)
• Practice co-regulation – Soft connection with a pet, partner, weighted blanket, or body pillow can calm the system and can calm your body due to the feeling of safety. Again, this is a method that our primal bodies used years before doors, locks, and alarms. Socially, being a part of a “tribe” and not sleeping “alone” kept us safe and less vulnerable to predators. f you have a pet or even a comforting object nearby and you wake in the night, try hugging it and gently saying, “Thank you for being here.” This simple act helps the mind feel less alone and offers the nervous system a cue of safety, soothing the ventral vagal pathways responsible for calm and connection. You can also place one hand over your heart and the other on your belly and take three slow breaths using the 4‑2‑6 pattern. Keep your hands there as you settle back into bed. This hand placement supports the parasympathetic pathways — the part of the vagus nerve that signals safety — helping your body ease back toward sleep.

Through sleepiness, frustration, and lack of energy, your body is trying to cry out to you that it’s working overtime to protect you – not because you are broken.

Since we aren’t facing real danger in our everyday lives, it’s important to teach your body that when night comes, there is no threat lurking. What happened today can wait for tomorrow, and what belongs to tomorrow is outside your control in this present moment.

Let your mind soften, rest, and be at peace. The nervous system is incredibly adaptable, and with consistent, gentle practices, you can guide your body back toward comfort and safety. Over time, the “stolen safety” returns, and sleep becomes less of a battle and more of a natural pathway back to the dream world.

Cheers to a happier and healthier (restful) version of you!