The Clover Nook

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The single word narcissist is thrown around a lot these days yet has two very different meanings, especially to those who have educated themselves on NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). Are you using the word narcissist too loosely? 

Unfortunately, there are many people that still do not understand the weight of what the word “narcissist” can mean and the magnitude of abuse that comes with it. 

If you Google the word Narcissist you might find generic findings of the general definition.
Here are some the generic terms that populate: 

• exaggerated sense of self-importance 
• entitlement
•  excessive admiration
•  superior even without achievements that warrant it 
•  exaggerated achievements and talents, fantasies about success
•  power
•  brilliance 

…. And the list goes on. 

However these do not begin to define A Narcissist, otherwise known as someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). 

Having a pinch of narcissism (without the “PD” part) is a healthy personality trait that can benefit a person. Having a healthy balance of this trait can contribute to a person striving to work at being their best, achieving goals, care about appearances and fantasy of success. Toddlers are infamous for being little narcissists. Toddlers love running around challenging the world as if it revolves around them, figuring out their own boundaries. As adults/parents we have to teach safety, manners, and morale to these headstrong tiny humans. 

So, when does the word narcissist take a darker turn?    

Some signs of a “narcissist,” when referring to someone with NPD, is witnessing red flags of inconsistencies, feeling confused by their actions and words/that off feeling, and catching disingenuous behavior and/or lack of empathy. NPD, runs on a scale, with different labels and extremes and many NPD are not able to be labeled due to the fact they won’t admit anything is ‘wrong’ with them or when/if they do get into counseling they jump around to different therapist because ‘they aren’t the problem’ and ‘that therapist doesn’t know what they are talking about’ type of phrases. 

There are obvious people in history that had an extreme form of NPD such as Hitler, Jeffrey Daumier, and Ted Bundy, all Malignant NPD. Then there are people that raise some red flags but proof was slim until some brave victims began speaking up such as Evan Rachel regarding Marlin Manson and the death of Gabby Petito, which Netflix had released a documentary in 2025. NPD isn’t all obvious with murderous assailants and obvious forms of abuse, often it is also passive aggressive, emotional abuse, leaving some victims confused and trapped with depleting self-esteem until they no longer feel there is an escape or need therapy help to do so. 

There are different types of NPD which some are noticeable and easy to spot such as Grandiosity NPD, though people can sometimes mistake this behavior for an outspoken and or confident person when they are actually backhanded putting others down or pretending to lift others up for self gratification. Covert Passive Aggressive NPD which can be mistaken as socially awkward or quiet, while behind closed doors they let the monster out to spouses and children. Then there is Malignant Narcissist, who enjoys physically torturing people while deceptively appearing in public as an everyday upholding citizen. Regardless of the type or severity of it, NPDs are best described as wolves in sheep’s clothing. The insecurities of NPD run so deep, they hide these parts they are ashamed of, never to admit wrongdoing while withholding a reputation of placing blame on others. People with NPD lack empathy, and while some NPDs have been capable of mimicking this as a trained skill, it’s disingenuous and usually becomes noticeable the more you are around the NDP person, often revolving situations back to them. 
As the word narcissist generically continues to be thrown around it becomes taboo and less creditable for the people suffering in a situation. Law enforcement and the courts often dismiss accusations, failing to recognize—or even comprehend—the warning signs. This not only invalidates the victim’s efforts to seek help and justice but does so at a time when they are likely operating from a heightened state of fear and survival, driven by the brain’s fight-or-flight response. In fact, when a victim uses terminology without the support of a trained professional qualified to diagnose—something rarely accessible due to limited participation or systemic barriers—they are often dismissed or disbelieved. This leaves many victims unheard and unsupported. The result is a persistent, under-recognized dilemma that continues to retraumatize those already seeking justice.

The misuse and misunderstanding of the term “narcissist” not only dilute its clinical significance but also contribute to the silencing of real victims of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. When society trivializes NPD or fails to distinguish it from everyday self-centered behavior, it undermines the gravity of the emotional, psychological, and sometimes physical abuse that victims endure. To truly support those affected, we must move beyond surface-level definitions and educate ourselves on the complexities of NPD. Only then can we begin to validate victims’ experiences, hold abusers accountable, and foster systems—legal, medical, and social—that recognize the hidden wounds inflicted by narcissistic abuse. Awareness is not just empowerment; it’s a lifeline.

If You’re Experiencing Abuse If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence—whether emotional, psychological, or physical—know that you are not alone, and help is available. Abuse tied to Narcissistic Personality Disorder can be especially insidious, leaving victims confused, isolated, and unheard. But your experience is valid, and support exists.

In the United States, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 (SAFE) or visit thehotline.org for confidential support, resources, and guidance. Trained advocates are available 24/7 to listen, help you plan for safety, and connect you with local services.

Reaching out is not a sign of weakness—it’s a courageous step toward reclaiming your voice, your safety, and your future.

Cheers to happier and healthier version of yourself.